Does Your Mattress Pass The Human Egg Drop Test? – Purple Mattress

I’m here to prove that Purple® Mattress blows memory foam out of the bedroom. Only Purple passes the Durability Test, Body Heat Test, and the all-new H.E.D. Test – or, “Human Egg Drop Test,” for the layman. The best test to determine a mattress’ comfort and support. Ready, Billy? Billy: No…I just have to — Jake: Perfect. (Billy screams) Just look at how the Purple® Smart Comfort Grid™, made from a super-comfy, yet ultra-supportive material called Hyper-Elastic Polymer® cradled those unfertilized chickies. And, yeah, they’re pretty real. Now, how about that memory foam? Take ‘er up! (Jr. Sasquatch growls) Ready, Billy? Billy: Uuuhhhhhhh… Jake: Great. (Billy groans) See, unlike memory foam, Purple’s unique design cradles your pressure points and redistributes support to the rest of your body, leaving your spine properly aligned. So no more back pain, no matter your body type, sleeping position, or frequency of nightmare.

Man: OH JEE– (especially the ones starring your boss) So what does this mean? Billy: That Purple’s comfortable? Jake: Good boy, Billy. Boss: Jake, that was terrible form. More wrist. Jake: O-Oh! Billy, can you clean this up please? Billy: Yeah… Did you know memory foam was developed in 1966? That’s 10 years older than VHS. And, what’s crazier is the “technology” hasn’t even changed. You’re getting half-century-old technology with all of its problems. So many companies are desperate to call their mattresses high-tech, so they sandwich a little bit of tech into the memory foam. (maniacal laugh) 98% memory foam is still 98% crap. That’s a lot of crap you’re sleeping on, brother… and sisters… …you guys. Purple is the most durable comfort technology in scientific history. While the compact structure of memory foam breaks down and falls apart over time, Purple’s proprietary material keeps shape and stays strong. No more lumpy mattresses, and no more body impressions. Speaking of impressions, memory foam has a big problem. It sleeps hot. And, when exposed to body heat, it softens and loses support, causing you to sink faster than my hopes and dreams at senior prom…

Or Blockbuster Video. Those guys… I feel bad, but they made some mistakes in their hierarchy, and they just… Deep sleep requires low stimuli. Purple is temperature-neutral. It’s grid design and aerated sidewalls create serious airflow so your body heat doesn’t affect your sleep. Stop looking for sleep in all the wrong places. Forget memory foam! These tests are real! You really can sleep cooler and more comfortably, all on a mattress that will outlive the family dog. And, you can personalize your Purple with our many different comfort levels. Purple perfected the science of sound sleep. All you need to do is experience it. And, you can for 100 nights with Purple’s No Pressure Guarantee. So, go ahead try the world’s best mattress. Billy: Hey, Jake? Jake: Purple. Billy: Purple! Jake: He’s fine, he does this a lot. This is his thing. Oh..they just kind of don’t talk and just…don’t touch either. We gave them a the don’t talk, don’t touch rule.

Purple. Billy: Purple! .

Purple™ PowerBase: The Adjustable Bed that You Never Knew You Always Wanted

For more than half a century robots have been trying to figure out how to Watch TV in bed. It wasn’t always this easy. At first we blamed ourselves. Maybe we’re just not programed to relax in bed? Only after experiencing the Purple PowerBase did we finally realize, we’re not the problem our old bed base was! Honestly, I’m ashamed. That thing goes against everything robots represent. Boring, ugly, no tech! My legs were my favorite feature. Now look at them. Look at them! Ah! That thing is literally worse than legos in the carpet. Other adjustable beds where… underwhelming. Some were clunky. And… Dumb. Like first generation Cylons. I don’t want the skin-tight color-coded morphsuit of bed bases, I want the UltraZord! And we just love TV. Turn your bed base into your home base. No matter the activity, Purple PowerBase’s programmable positions have got your back and legs and butt. No more strained necks from propping up on elbows & pillows. Purple PowerBase is great for It’s so advanced, it’s like resting on comfy Iron Man.

And I totally fine with that! You can also control positions using the wireless remote or Purple’s very own smartphone app. If you sleep like us, together but very differently, get our That way the both of you can get the massage you need and sleep however the weird you want. Got a “loud processor”? Try the Anti-Snore position. Want to try a position and with an awesome name? Try Zero Gravity.

Humans will be happy to know that it not only simulates weightlessness, it takes the pressure off your heart and lower back and betters blood flow and opens airways and improves breathing and relaxes sore muscles and even reduces swelling and acid reflux. It’s cool as cool a NASA! Ready to go back to Earth? Hit the one-touch flat button. And how about a massage in your own bed? I’m tired of those guys at the mall. The Purple PowerBase’s crown jewel is the Royal Purple Massage or RPM. It helps to ease tension and fall asleep and stay asleep. You know, after a long day at work. “Is this a robot call?” Why, yes it is! Hello? Oh. While other base massagers vibrate and thump, ruining your bed frame and decimating your cool points. RPM uses patented technology to create a true resonant frequency massage, tuned to the pitch of Purple. Purple PowerBase has so many features, every night feels like a Daft Punk concert.

So dance how you want to. The pro-grip micro-hook retention system will keep your mattress in place. While the under bed lighting, lights the way. Tired of doing the robot? Just plug in to one of our USB or AC ports and charge up. I’m a robot doing the robot! With quick assembly and adjustable height, Purple PowerBase can transform your sleeping experience in a flash! You can even use it with your existing bed frame. Lose that disgusting box spring. You wouldn’t put R2D2 on a crop duster, so don’t put it in nice mattress on a boring no-feature base. Don’t have a nice mattress? Get Purple. Purple PowerBase is optimized for the Purple mattress. You’re old bed base is the worst. Sleep and watch TV the you way like, sitting up, smiling.

Getting a back and butt massage from a Purple PowerBase. Isn’t life great? .

How to Use a Raw Egg to Determine if Your Mattress is Awful – Purple Mattress

What’s a super easy way to tell if your bed is awful? The egg test. Let me prove it. When it comes to mattresses, you used to have only 3 choices. Looking for some shoulder pain? Try a hard mattress. It may feel like a rock, and put pressure on your hips, but it’s the perfect way to tell your partner, “Hey baby, want some arthritis?” It just fails the raw egg test. Then there’s the soft mattress.

It starts out ok, but collapses over time, like some cheap sneakers, or Anakin Skywalker. And since it comes without back support, you get to try cool new hobbies, like chronic pain. But it also fails the raw egg test. Now let me explain the eggs. The raw egg test states that the perfect bed will let you put weight on raw eggs without breaking them. ‘Cause if a bed can cradle raw eggs while supporting all that weight, it’ll also cradle your pressure points while supporting your body, for maximum comfort. Well if the hard bed’s bad at cradling, and the soft bed’s bad at supporting, at least the medium bed is juuuuust… Terrible. It’s not firm enough for back support or soft enough for your pressure points, so in the end it’s just a sad middle ground, like limbo, or a whoosy centaur. It’s average. No one wants average. Now, to get around that… some beds come with $5,000 dollar remotes so you can choose between hard bed problems or soft bed problems. They’re so high-tech, they fail the egg test twice.

I don’t need a bed that’s hard, soft, or average. I need the best of firm and soft, without the drawbacks. Introducing Purple — the only mattress that cradles your pressure points like a soft bed, while supporting everywhere else like a firm one. Need proof? Lets check double check. Triple check. All the checks! And I am really heavy for a little girl from a fairytale. Yes, these raw eggs are raw. And no, we didn’t fake it. How lame would that be? You’re lame for thinking that. How can a bed be this comfortable? Maybe ‘cause it has 15 patents, was created by an actual rocket scientist, and uses a comfort grid system to distribute weight across any body type, giving you the best sleep you’ve ever had, guaranteed. Thanks, science. Now, there’s a catch. Most high-end mattresses cost 5,000 dollars. But ours is only 1,000. We’re sorry about that. We’re the best. But you can spend that extra money on, I don’t know… AN ADORABLE BABY BEAR?!?! AUGH!! But don’t let it on the mattress though, it will pee all over it. And while you’re saving money, you’ll save time too- ‘Cause we’re shipping the Purple right to your door for free.

Thankyou! Now I have two! We’re so convinced you’ll love Purple — if it doesn’t change your life in the first 100 nights, we’ll take it back for a complete refund. That’s Purple’s no pressure guarantee. I love you. So if you or someone you know sleeps, click here to buy your Purple at onpurple.com And say goodbye to the rock hard prison bed. The saggy swamp bed. The average bed. And the expensive remote. Get yourself into a Purple. And Mom and Pop, it’s not the 1940s. Share a bed already. And make sure it’s a Purple.

Becuase you guys have been sleeping in garbage. Click now to start your 100 night trial of nocturnal bliss. No pressure. It’s Purple. Action Need proof. Lift glass See those are real eggs not hardboiled not plastic not wooden I just burst them cut. That’s a cut! .

The Purple® Pillow: Official Kickstarter Video

How do you know if the pillow you’re sleeping on is garbage? Warning, what you’re about to see is actual actual science. Strike! Strike! Actual garbage. I’m as shocked as you are. Ahhh. So that’s how you know if the pillow you are sleeping is full of garbage. Unfortunately expensive or cheap most pillows on the market are simply…Terrible. And this is exactly why the real-life comfort scientists that brought you the revolutionary purple bed put their inventive genius to work on designing a completely new kind of pillow. Presenting, the Purple Pillow. The only pillow designed to perfectly respond to your individual sleep type. Huh interesting. Still comfy? Thank you sir. You’re, you’re free to go… Huh…But before we get too far into the Purple Pillow let’s take a quick look at what’s inside other pillows on the market.

You see for years pillow technology has refused to grow up. Like your brother who’s still waiting for his Hogwarts acceptance letter. I caught the snitch! Yes! They basically take some loose softish stuff and put it inside of a bag This is a problem though if the inside of a pillow is just loose fluff no matter how you shape and shift your pillow to fit your neck as you sleep it all falls flat this is the reason that no matter what your bedtime pillow looks like your morning pillow looks like this… The halfpipe a u-shaped gulch caused by a complete evacuation of the pillow fluff to either side the wedge The wedge. The flattening of fluff resulting in no neck support and basic sadness The untamable bulge caused by an overstuffed or over firm pillow; results in a 90-degree neck sleep position and a future job as an evil henchmen The curvy girl these curves are always either too much to handle or there just isn’t enough for true neck support oh and its memory foam so no thanks.

Others tho have tried to fix the problem of loose fluff with this memory foam but memory foam has its own problems. It starts softish, then as it warms the cells compact it loses its shape and becomes a hot sweaty brick. Unlike any pillow before it Purple Pillow uses a patented comfort grid system that gives locally but not globally and even the design the grid itself is specially engineered to sink a bit more in the center where your head rests while remaining comfortably supportive under your neck where you need it I mean just look at that beautiful neck alignment and it doesn’t matter if you sleep back, side or undecided the Purple Pillow will give you the exact support you need every time and that there is the magic of science everybody! But what if you find you need more or less support? Well for those who crave adjustability the Purple Pillow is equipped with an adjustable air booster that you can raise or lower to your exact comfort needs.

It’s a completely new sleeping experience. It doesn’t feel like the pillows of old, it’s got kind of like a blobby feel, like sleeping on the belly of a friendly fat man which trust me is a good thing. Also we’ve said it before, weight is quality in the Purple Pillow is quality and it’s adjustability makes it the perfect pillow for everyone. Yup, that’s 80 comforts per minute. Mama that’s comfortable! So you can go ahead and take all your old pillows and burn them! Actually don’t because many of them are full of toxic chemicals that we just don’t want to breathe and hey to all you chronic pillow flippers always craving the cool side of the pillow well you are always sleeping on the cool side of the pillow.

It reads much cooler in post sleep temperature than the competition. If you or someone you know sleeps you need the Purple Pillow. Click here to go to OnPurple.com Purple, no pressure. ::Action:: Mom! I caught the snitch I caught the snitch mom! Yes! Yes, yes! The snitch is mine! .

Side Sleeping Will Never Be the Same. #purple

Hi, I’m Goldilocks. What’s a scientific way to tell that your bed is terrible for side sleeping? I give you: The Side Sleeper Test This is Terry, an actual purple scientist. And these are the three bears And because this is a mattress commercial Here’s an attractive model! When sleeping on your side, the best spinal alignment is straight. If your spine is bending, it’s straining. And with 8 hours in that position Just make sure you befriend a chiropractor, like ASAP. Let’s observe the spine curvature of the attractive model on different beds. Remember a straight spine is the goal. First, the flat bare ground Ouch! $3,500 Memory Foam mattress No thank you! Pillow Top bed Uh Uh $5000 Air Bed: Hard Setting Soft Setting If spines could talk (scream) Leading Bed in a Box Now, watch the difference with Purple… …A Straight Spine Purple cradles your pressure points while supporting everywhere else, Keeping your spine straight Now you can sleep as comfortably as a distinguished scientist in a fluffy bed of bears. So if you love your sleep AND your spine, Click above to buy your Purple bed at OnPurple.com.

No pressure, it’s Purple .

Don’t Let Your Mattress Steal Your Sleep – Purple

Hey, hey look! They got one of those Purple Mattresses. *tv crashes to floor* I’ve heard about these. It’s supposed to sleep cool… and it’s specially designed to cradle your pressure points. *contented sigh* *surprised grunt* Oh… *tap tap tap* Huh?! Freeze! *Sleepy sigh* *lullaby music* .