Purple: The Latest Technology in Comfort & Sleep

The mattress industry has a serious problem. The problem is the mattress. And there’s nothing quite like mattress shopping. Didn’t even feel me slide in there did you? What? That’s the memory foam! Now let’s talk about what it’ll take to get you in one of these! Wow! Comfy, and the craziest part is that you pay a premium for that kind of sales experience. But hey! For that price hopefully you can finally sleep comfortably. Nope. Same old mattress technology same old back pain. But you know what? We are scientists and professional sleepers, and we knew of a better way to sleep comfy without having to pawn the dog. And that’s why we invented Purple. The world’s first ever Hyper-Elastic Polymer mattress.

If it sounds a little sciencey, that’s because it is. The only real innovation in mattress tech since 1926, when foam mattresses were cool. Great-grandma Sue was such a hipster. Purple is incredibly comfortable and is different than any other mattress you’ve tried. Let’s take a moment to look at how purple compares to other mattresses out there. Memory foam is not fun for jumping. It allows your body to sink in, then keep sinking, until you’re stuck, and hot, and sweaty. Spring mattresses are fun for jumping, but all those Springs want to do is spring up where you need them to sink down, causing you to sleep as comfortably as pinball. Purple — though not great for jumping, is perfect for sleeping. Purple is soft and firm at the same time, depending on what area of your body it’s touching.

And Purple will never ever leave a body impression in your mattress. Why? Because we’re scientists and we made it that way. We design Purple how you would custom design your best friend. You know — if you could do that. Purple will take the pressure so you don’t have to, and it’s there to support you when and where you need it the most. That means body alignment. When Purple feels the pressure, like under your hips and shoulders it, releases so you can sleep comfy. Giving you the support you crave, and aligning your body so you don’t have to keep your chiropractor on retainer anymore. And Purple is temperature neutral and allows for plenty of airflow, so no more sweaty nights.

As the avid sleepers that we are, we know that it takes your body a little time to adjust to a new mattress. And that’s why we offer a risk-free-why-not-try-it-100-night-guarantee. And on the off chance you don’t like it, no worries. We’ll pick it up from your house free of charge. And you’ll get a whole refund. Purple is the culmination of 26 years of research and development. We’ve been doing this for a while, and our technology has been licensed to brands like, Nike, and, Dr. Scholl’s. So yeah we do know what we’re doing, and here’s something to chew on: Purple is made in the USA from completely non-toxic, food-grade material that’s right. Food grade but we like sleeping on it better than eating it. And in purple we sell direct to the consumer which means no middleman markups and no markups just for marking up sake.

We believe that everyone should be able to afford the world’s best mattress. You’re welcome. Now maybe you think your mattresses all right. Well the purple mattress topper turns all right Comfort into all night comfort and your butt might be saying “Hey, I want it on some of that sweet purple comfort too!” Hey we hear your butt loud and clear. That’s why we also invented the purple seat cushion. Use it at work, in your car. Wherever that extra comfort is needed. And how well does it work? Well… that well. The seat cushion will be sent right after our campaign funds. So you don’t have to wait to experience Purple’s life changing comfort. Purple. No pressure .

Introducing Purple Sheets. Stretchiest, Comfiest, Bamboo Sheets Ever.

Story: Your sheets, cheap or expensive, are ruining your life. I’m just kidding, that’s a little bit too far, but they are making your bed less comfortable. That’s why I got Purple Sheets. Purple® Bed Sheets are soft, strong, stretchy. because these sheets are just… If you don’t wake up each morning feeling like you wrestled with a grizzly bear then you’re sleeping in the wrong kind of sheets. I’m a flannel man. Lies peasant, lies! Only Egyptian cotton with thread count so high the number cease to have meaning offer the finest form of slumber. Come again! Sleeping with flannel is like having typhoid fever without the chance of death. It’s so hot, it wraps you in spree arms and bleeds the sweat right out of ya. It’s so rugged it covers ya in manly rashes. Wash ’em out, Rockets! Imagine… sleeping on it hippogriff, the wind in your face as you embrace and spoon a cloud…

That’s cotton. Tough, tried–and–true, flannel does the job for you. Egyptian cotton is divine. Flannelllll! …ENOUGH! They’re bed sheets. You shouldn’t have to choose between sheets made from a high end bologna. My mom made me bologna all the time. Purple® Bed Sheets for the no-nonsense sleep better solution. For people who obsess over sheets, like me. Definitely me, but you as well! For people who don’t give a rat’s buttocks.

Like him. Got ya. Other sheets suck the comfort soul right out of the mattress, by being too tight or too ridgid. It creates a drum over the bed that your body can’t conform to. You don’t put bunny ears on a 4K T.V., do you? on your sweet mattress purple bed sheets maximize the comfort of your bag it’s the only bed sheet that’s made from bamboo fabric that’s also super stretchy it’s like a 1980’s superhero Oh my gosh, stop.

Cut it, cut! Curtis, get out of here. Look at the competition. It’s rigid and stiff, and so very rigid. Oh man we’re talking stone tablets over here, okay. Look at Purple! Oh my gosh, look at the stretch here! You seeing this? Now are you looking at this? There’s so much stretch to it. Sometimes in my room, I like to sleep in a stretchy pants and these stretchy sheets.

See the stretch? But look, Grizzly, Purple® Bed Sheets are durable without being uncomfortable or scratching. Shouldn’t have to feel like a high school dance when you go to bed. Did you know that Purple® Bed Sheets are sups breathable and airy? and super soft without being stiff and this heavy duty elastic band on the fitted sheet means that actually fit and stays on the mattress How sweet is that?! No more sheet battles. Okay Okay Wow Can we nominate these for the Noble Sleep Prize? Wait a second. We’ve got it! I thought this would be bigger, but it’ll do. Purple® Bed Sheets are soft and strong, seamless, stretchy, cool, comfortable, and easy to clean all at the same time. Your sheets should unleash endless possibilities of comfort for your bed. If you have a bad and want unleash it, click here! Hello.

Look at. Baby! Baby, baby oh! .