Does Your Mattress Pass The Human Egg Drop Test? – Purple Mattress

I’m here to prove that Purple® Mattress blows memory foam out of the bedroom. Only Purple passes the Durability Test, Body Heat Test, and the all-new H.E.D. Test – or, “Human Egg Drop Test,” for the layman. The best test to determine a mattress’ comfort and support. Ready, Billy? Billy: No…I just have to — Jake: Perfect. (Billy screams) Just look at how the Purple® Smart Comfort Grid™, made from a super-comfy, yet ultra-supportive material called Hyper-Elastic Polymer® cradled those unfertilized chickies. And, yeah, they’re pretty real. Now, how about that memory foam? Take ‘er up! (Jr. Sasquatch growls) Ready, Billy? Billy: Uuuhhhhhhh… Jake: Great. (Billy groans) See, unlike memory foam, Purple’s unique design cradles your pressure points and redistributes support to the rest of your body, leaving your spine properly aligned. So no more back pain, no matter your body type, sleeping position, or frequency of nightmare.

Man: OH JEE– (especially the ones starring your boss) So what does this mean? Billy: That Purple’s comfortable? Jake: Good boy, Billy. Boss: Jake, that was terrible form. More wrist. Jake: O-Oh! Billy, can you clean this up please? Billy: Yeah… Did you know memory foam was developed in 1966? That’s 10 years older than VHS. And, what’s crazier is the “technology” hasn’t even changed. You’re getting half-century-old technology with all of its problems. So many companies are desperate to call their mattresses high-tech, so they sandwich a little bit of tech into the memory foam. (maniacal laugh) 98% memory foam is still 98% crap. That’s a lot of crap you’re sleeping on, brother… and sisters… …you guys. Purple is the most durable comfort technology in scientific history. While the compact structure of memory foam breaks down and falls apart over time, Purple’s proprietary material keeps shape and stays strong. No more lumpy mattresses, and no more body impressions. Speaking of impressions, memory foam has a big problem. It sleeps hot. And, when exposed to body heat, it softens and loses support, causing you to sink faster than my hopes and dreams at senior prom…

Or Blockbuster Video. Those guys… I feel bad, but they made some mistakes in their hierarchy, and they just… Deep sleep requires low stimuli. Purple is temperature-neutral. It’s grid design and aerated sidewalls create serious airflow so your body heat doesn’t affect your sleep. Stop looking for sleep in all the wrong places. Forget memory foam! These tests are real! You really can sleep cooler and more comfortably, all on a mattress that will outlive the family dog. And, you can personalize your Purple with our many different comfort levels. Purple perfected the science of sound sleep. All you need to do is experience it. And, you can for 100 nights with Purple’s No Pressure Guarantee. So, go ahead try the world’s best mattress. Billy: Hey, Jake? Jake: Purple. Billy: Purple! Jake: He’s fine, he does this a lot. This is his thing. Oh..they just kind of don’t talk and just…don’t touch either. We gave them a the don’t talk, don’t touch rule.

Purple. Billy: Purple! .

Purple: The Latest Technology in Comfort & Sleep

The mattress industry has a serious problem. The problem is the mattress. And there’s nothing quite like mattress shopping. Didn’t even feel me slide in there did you? What? That’s the memory foam! Now let’s talk about what it’ll take to get you in one of these! Wow! Comfy, and the craziest part is that you pay a premium for that kind of sales experience. But hey! For that price hopefully you can finally sleep comfortably. Nope. Same old mattress technology same old back pain. But you know what? We are scientists and professional sleepers, and we knew of a better way to sleep comfy without having to pawn the dog. And that’s why we invented Purple. The world’s first ever Hyper-Elastic Polymer mattress.

If it sounds a little sciencey, that’s because it is. The only real innovation in mattress tech since 1926, when foam mattresses were cool. Great-grandma Sue was such a hipster. Purple is incredibly comfortable and is different than any other mattress you’ve tried. Let’s take a moment to look at how purple compares to other mattresses out there. Memory foam is not fun for jumping. It allows your body to sink in, then keep sinking, until you’re stuck, and hot, and sweaty. Spring mattresses are fun for jumping, but all those Springs want to do is spring up where you need them to sink down, causing you to sleep as comfortably as pinball. Purple — though not great for jumping, is perfect for sleeping. Purple is soft and firm at the same time, depending on what area of your body it’s touching.

And Purple will never ever leave a body impression in your mattress. Why? Because we’re scientists and we made it that way. We design Purple how you would custom design your best friend. You know — if you could do that. Purple will take the pressure so you don’t have to, and it’s there to support you when and where you need it the most. That means body alignment. When Purple feels the pressure, like under your hips and shoulders it, releases so you can sleep comfy. Giving you the support you crave, and aligning your body so you don’t have to keep your chiropractor on retainer anymore. And Purple is temperature neutral and allows for plenty of airflow, so no more sweaty nights.

As the avid sleepers that we are, we know that it takes your body a little time to adjust to a new mattress. And that’s why we offer a risk-free-why-not-try-it-100-night-guarantee. And on the off chance you don’t like it, no worries. We’ll pick it up from your house free of charge. And you’ll get a whole refund. Purple is the culmination of 26 years of research and development. We’ve been doing this for a while, and our technology has been licensed to brands like, Nike, and, Dr. Scholl’s. So yeah we do know what we’re doing, and here’s something to chew on: Purple is made in the USA from completely non-toxic, food-grade material that’s right. Food grade but we like sleeping on it better than eating it. And in purple we sell direct to the consumer which means no middleman markups and no markups just for marking up sake.

We believe that everyone should be able to afford the world’s best mattress. You’re welcome. Now maybe you think your mattresses all right. Well the purple mattress topper turns all right Comfort into all night comfort and your butt might be saying “Hey, I want it on some of that sweet purple comfort too!” Hey we hear your butt loud and clear. That’s why we also invented the purple seat cushion. Use it at work, in your car. Wherever that extra comfort is needed. And how well does it work? Well… that well. The seat cushion will be sent right after our campaign funds. So you don’t have to wait to experience Purple’s life changing comfort. Purple. No pressure .

How to Use a Raw Egg to Determine if Your Mattress is Awful – Purple Mattress

What’s a super easy way to tell if your bed is awful? The egg test. Let me prove it. When it comes to mattresses, you used to have only 3 choices. Looking for some shoulder pain? Try a hard mattress. It may feel like a rock, and put pressure on your hips, but it’s the perfect way to tell your partner, “Hey baby, want some arthritis?” It just fails the raw egg test. Then there’s the soft mattress.

It starts out ok, but collapses over time, like some cheap sneakers, or Anakin Skywalker. And since it comes without back support, you get to try cool new hobbies, like chronic pain. But it also fails the raw egg test. Now let me explain the eggs. The raw egg test states that the perfect bed will let you put weight on raw eggs without breaking them. ‘Cause if a bed can cradle raw eggs while supporting all that weight, it’ll also cradle your pressure points while supporting your body, for maximum comfort. Well if the hard bed’s bad at cradling, and the soft bed’s bad at supporting, at least the medium bed is juuuuust… Terrible. It’s not firm enough for back support or soft enough for your pressure points, so in the end it’s just a sad middle ground, like limbo, or a whoosy centaur. It’s average. No one wants average. Now, to get around that… some beds come with $5,000 dollar remotes so you can choose between hard bed problems or soft bed problems. They’re so high-tech, they fail the egg test twice.

I don’t need a bed that’s hard, soft, or average. I need the best of firm and soft, without the drawbacks. Introducing Purple — the only mattress that cradles your pressure points like a soft bed, while supporting everywhere else like a firm one. Need proof? Lets check double check. Triple check. All the checks! And I am really heavy for a little girl from a fairytale. Yes, these raw eggs are raw. And no, we didn’t fake it. How lame would that be? You’re lame for thinking that. How can a bed be this comfortable? Maybe ‘cause it has 15 patents, was created by an actual rocket scientist, and uses a comfort grid system to distribute weight across any body type, giving you the best sleep you’ve ever had, guaranteed. Thanks, science. Now, there’s a catch. Most high-end mattresses cost 5,000 dollars. But ours is only 1,000. We’re sorry about that. We’re the best. But you can spend that extra money on, I don’t know… AN ADORABLE BABY BEAR?!?! AUGH!! But don’t let it on the mattress though, it will pee all over it. And while you’re saving money, you’ll save time too- ‘Cause we’re shipping the Purple right to your door for free.

Thankyou! Now I have two! We’re so convinced you’ll love Purple — if it doesn’t change your life in the first 100 nights, we’ll take it back for a complete refund. That’s Purple’s no pressure guarantee. I love you. So if you or someone you know sleeps, click here to buy your Purple at And say goodbye to the rock hard prison bed. The saggy swamp bed. The average bed. And the expensive remote. Get yourself into a Purple. And Mom and Pop, it’s not the 1940s. Share a bed already. And make sure it’s a Purple.

Becuase you guys have been sleeping in garbage. Click now to start your 100 night trial of nocturnal bliss. No pressure. It’s Purple. Action Need proof. Lift glass See those are real eggs not hardboiled not plastic not wooden I just burst them cut. That’s a cut! .